While the title of this post seems rather pessimistic, it is really positive overall. But, let me be the first to say that your relationships WILL change while you are in law school. Relationships with your parents, grandparents, significant other, friends, and spouses will all change.

The best piece of advice I was given on this topic was actually from a professor at Widener. On the first day of orientation, he offered us a packet as we exited the classroom. On my walk to my car, I looked down at the packet I was just given. The packet was actually a snippet from a book. This chapter was titled, “A Chapter for the Family & Friends of Law Students”. Naturally my interest was piqued, and I began to flip through the pages. My eyes were stuck on the line that read, “Challenges to Your Relationship and What You Can Do to Make Things Better.” After reading this section, I decided to pass this chapter to my parents and my boyfriend. They all read it and my Mom still mentions it to me on occasion.

As a third-year law student, I can confidently say that all of the things mentioned in this chapter are in fact true and that I am very glad that I was at least cognizant of them. I am happy to be able to bestow this summary onto you, reader.

1. One major problem between law students and the people they have relationships with is the lack of understanding that can often lead to frustration on both sides. From the law student’s perspective, you are now put under more stress than you have likely ever experienced. You are worried about cold calls, finishing your readings, and attempting to squeeze in a few moments just to do nothing. This lack of understanding is especially true during finals season; you are studying for most of the time you are awake, which clearly does not leave the most room for conversation or visits to people. The person who is not in law school may feel that the law student is favoring school over them, or honestly, because of the lack of being in the law student’s shoes the person may expect out of the law student what the law student was able to give them before. Unfortunately, this cannot be the case. So, let me say this. Law student: while you are incredibly busy and may not get to do exactly what you want at the drop of a hat, there is still time for life outside of law school! Now it just may require planning weeks in advance and getting ahead on your assignments, but it can be done if you want to go visit someone. On a daily basis, set aside time to talk on the phone with the individuals you choose to. Non-law student: first and foremost, give your law student some grace. They are under immense stress, and they still care about you even if they are not able to visit as often. Be open to making plans far in advance, or getting text messages when you are used to phone calls.

2. Another contribution to problems between law students and the people they have relationships with is the lack of energy and time the law student will have. Unfortunately, law students have very little time, and even less energy to do things on a daily basis. As a support person in their life, offering to do small tasks to assist them in their day to day life will go miles for them. One of the best things that my mom does for me is help me make a grocery list each week on the phone. Although it sounds like such a simple task, it takes a little bit off of my plate. Another tip I have for law student supporters is the fact that even though you may feel that the student has studied enough because they have been studying for weeks, being in that position no amount of studying ever feels like too much. And to the law student: it is okay to say no to doing things to give yourself a break. As I mentioned previously, the big things that you will encounter to celebrate your family, friends, or significant other will be planned in advance that will give you time to plan ahead.

3. Stress, stress, and more stress. Stress also (shocker) is a contributing factor to problems between law students and those they are in relationships with. Everyone handles stress differently. Some shut down, some lash out, or do a variety of other things. Whether we like it or not, this does bleed into our relationships outside of law school. Competitive nature, fast-approaching deadlines, and performance anxiety for 14 weeks in a row is a lot. This may lead to the student not remembering why they even went to law school. As a support person, although the law student may be short with you or lose their temper on you, try not to hold this against them as a grudge. This is in no way me condoning this occurring constantly, but it may happen on occasion.

4. This point is going to be for significant others and spouses. Being in a romantic relationship with a law student is an extra task, so I applaud you. Something you likely prided yourself on in your relationship pre-law school was the partnership aspect, the 50/50. As you can probably gather through the theme of this post, this may not always be the case. You may be the one to initiate the phone call or date night, taking out the trash for the umpteenth time, or taking your child to school more often than not. You just need to remind yourself the goal of this; for your law student to graduate law school and become an attorney. Another thing that is different is the way to express your love for the law student. Something that my boyfriend has done for me is send me flowers during finals season. There is honestly no better feeling than coming home from a day of studying at the library to flowers with an encouraging note. While it may seem small, it means the world to the student in that moment.

Overall, while your relationships will change due to the law student’s undertaking of school, the relationship still will remain. It just takes a little bit extra effort. Relationships themselves are often complicated, and law school makes that harder. But, law school can make your relationships so much better as well. The law student in your life is pursuing a dream and a passion. This experience is only three or four years, but the relationships will last way beyond. Loved ones who support their law student receive an appreciation beyond words, and the relationship between you and your law student will be benefitted in the long run.